The People Around Us: How Our Relationships Shape Our Wellbeing

LEOPsychotherapy

Sep 30

7 min read

There are certain people who make you feel like you can finally exhale. You know the ones. The friend you can call after not talking for three months and somehow pick up exactly where you left off. The person who makes you laugh when you've had a terrible day. The family member who knows when something is wrong before you even say it.

And then there are the people who seem to leave you feeling completely drained. Maybe you find yourself rehearsing conversations with them beforehand. Maybe you second-guess what you say around them. Maybe you leave an interaction feeling guilty, anxious, frustrated, or simply exhausted. Sometimes we don't realize just how much the people around us affect us until we spend a little time paying attention.

Because relationships aren't just one part of our lives. They are woven through almost all of it.

We Are Affected by the People Around Us

Humans are social beings. Connection matters. The relationships we have with partners, family members, friends, coworkers, neighbours, and even the communities we're part of can influence our sense of belonging, safety, identity, and emotional wellbeing.

Think about how different your day can feel depending on what is happening in your relationships. You have a difficult morning, but your partner gives you a hug and reminds you that you've got this. Suddenly, the problem doesn't feel quite as big. Or maybe you spend an hour texting with someone who constantly criticizes your choices. You might put your phone down feeling irritated or insecure, even though nothing else about your day has changed. The interaction itself became part of your emotional experience.

This doesn't mean other people are responsible for our emotions. We still have our own thoughts, feelings, histories, and coping patterns. But, our relationships can influence the emotional environment we move through every day.

The Right People Can Make Life Feel A Little Lighter

Supportive relationships don't mean that everything is always easy. Healthy relationships have disagreements. Friends get annoyed with each other. Couples have difficult conversations. Families can push each other's buttons. The difference is often in how those moments are handled.

Supportive relationships can give us space to:

Be ourselves without constantly performing
Talk honestly about what's going on
Ask for help when we need it
Celebrate good news without feeling like we're bragging
Make mistakes without feeling like the relationship is at risk
Feel heard and understood
Laugh and have fun
Set boundaries without being punished for them

Sometimes support looks like a deep conversation, someone dropping off coffee, a friend sending you a ridiculous meme because they know you need a laugh. Connection doesn't always have to be profound to matter.

But Relationships Can Also Be A Source of Stress

Of course, relationships aren't always good for our mental health. Conflict, loneliness, rejection, criticism, betrayal, unhealthy dynamics, and feeling unsupported can all take an emotional toll.

And sometimes the hardest relationships to navigate are the ones we can't simply walk away from. Maybe it's a family member, coworker, long-term friendship that has changed. Maybe it's your partner, where the relationship is deeply important to you but you're also struggling with communication or recurring conflict. This is where things can get complicated.

We often hear advice like "Just cut them off" or "Remove negative people from your life." But real life doesn't always work that way. Relationships have history. They have love, shared memories, responsibilities, traditions, and sometimes very complicated emotions. The goal isn't necessarily to have a life completely free of difficult people. Sometimes the goal is learning how to relate to difficult people in a way that protects your own wellbeing.

Who Do You Feel Like Around the People in Your Life?

Here's a question that can tell you a lot: Who do you get to be around the people closest to you?

Do you feel like yourself?

Or do you feel like you're constantly editing yourself?

Do you feel comfortable saying what you actually think?

Can you say no?

Can you ask for what you need?

Can you admit that you're struggling?

Can you celebrate your successes?

Can you be silly?

Can you be quiet?

Can you simply exist without feeling like you need to earn your place?

Sometimes we focus so much on whether a relationship is "good" or "bad" that we forget to ask a much more personal question: How do I feel when I'm in it?

Your Relationships Can Shape How You See Yourself

The people around us don't just affect our moods. Over time, relationships can also influence the way we think about ourselves. If someone consistently encourages you, listens to you, and treats you with respect, that can reinforce a sense that your thoughts and feelings matter. On the other hand, consistently being criticized, dismissed, compared, or made to feel like you're "too much" can begin to affect your self-perception.

This doesn't mean that someone else's opinion determines your worth. But, when we hear the same messages repeatedly, especially from people who matter to us, they can become messages we start telling ourselves. Sometimes therapy involves figuring out which thoughts actually belong to us and which ones we've been carrying because someone else taught us to think that way.

Sometimes We Outgrow Relationships

This is one of the harder realities of adulthood. Not every relationship is meant to stay exactly the same forever. People change. You change. Your priorities change. Your circumstances change. Your values may change.

The friend you were inseparable from in your twenties may no longer fit naturally into your life. A relationship that once felt effortless may now require more work. And sometimes, there's nothing dramatically wrong. You simply aren't the same people anymore. That can still be sad. We don't always need a villain in order to acknowledge that a relationship has changed. Sometimes relationships evolve, they need new boundaries, they become closer. And sometimes they naturally become more distant.

All of those things can be part of life.

What About Loneliness?

We can also talk about relationships without talking about loneliness. Because being surrounded by people and feeling connected are two very different things. You can have hundreds of followers and still feel lonely. You can have a busy family life and still feel lonely. You can be in a relationship and still feel lonely.

Loneliness isn't necessarily about the number of people in your life. It can be about whether you feel known, understood, supported, and connected to the people around you. If you've been feeling lonely, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Sometimes creating more meaningful connection starts with something very small: texting someone you miss, joining a group, making plans, asking someone to grab coffee, or letting another person know that you've been having a hard time.

Relationships Need Boundaries, Too

Healthy relationships aren't relationships without boundaries. In fact, boundaries can help relationships become healthier.

A boundary might sound like:

"I'm not able to talk about this right now, but I'm happy to talk tomorrow."

"I love you, but I'm not comfortable having this conversation when we're yelling at each other."

"I'm going to take some time to think before I respond."

"I can't take that on right now."

Boundaries aren't about controlling another person's behaviour. They're about communicating what you are comfortable with, what you need, and what you're willing to participate in. And yes, sometimes setting a boundary feels uncomfortable. Especially if you're used to keeping the peace. But, discomfort doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong.

A Little Relationship Check-In

Every once in a while, it can be helpful to step back and think about the relationships in your life.

Ask yourself:

Who do I feel most comfortable being myself around?
Who do I turn to when I'm having a hard day?
Which relationships leave me feeling energized or supported?
Which relationships consistently leave me feeling anxious or drained?
Where do I feel like I can communicate honestly?
Where might I need a boundary?
Is there someone I've been meaning to reconnect with?
Am I giving my relationships the same attention I'm giving everything else in my life?

You don't have to immediately make major changes based on your answers. Sometimes simply noticing is the first step.

We Don't Need Perfect Relationships

It's easy to look at other people's friendships, marriages, families, or social lives and assume they've figured it all out. They haven't. Every relationship has misunderstandings, awkward conversations, disappointments, and seasons where connection feels easier—or harder. Healthy relationships aren't perfect relationships. They're relationships where there is room for honesty, repair, respect, growth, and imperfection.

And sometimes the healthiest thing you can do for a relationship is learn how to communicate differently. Sometimes it's setting a boundary. Sometimes it's asking for help. Sometimes it's accepting that a relationship has changed. And sometimes it's recognizing that you deserve relationships where you don't have to constantly shrink yourself to belong.

Your Wellbeing Doesn't Exist in Isolation

We often talk about mental health as though it's something that happens entirely inside our own heads, but our lives are relational. The people we love, the communities we're part of, the conversations we have, and the relationships we experience all become part of our everyday emotional world. That doesn't mean we need to surround ourselves with endlessly positive people or eliminate every difficult relationship.

It means we can become more intentional about the relationships we nurture, the boundaries we set, and the ways we show up for the people who matter to us. Sometimes taking care of your mental health looks like journaling, exercising, resting, or learning a coping strategy. And sometimes it looks like calling your friend. Or having the difficult conversation, or asking for help, or saying no, or letting someone know, "I don't actually have it together today."

We're not meant to do life entirely on our own.

When Relationships Feel Hard

If you're struggling with conflict, loneliness, boundaries, family dynamics, friendship changes, or relationship stress, you don't have to figure it all out by yourself. Therapy can provide a space to slow down, understand your patterns, communicate more effectively, and explore what you need from the relationships in your life.

At LEO Psychotherapy, we're here to help you navigate the relationships, transitions, and challenges that shape your everyday life. Reach out to learn more about our services or to book an appointment.